Preaching about evangelism makes most people uncomfortable. Not everyone is a gifted evangelist, though some high school and college ministry activities may overlook this fact.
The alternative I’ve most often heard to an overemphasis on extroverted, street-corner gospel sharing concerns “friendship” or “relationship” evangelism. The idea is that your closest relationships naturally give you an opportunity to talk about matters of great importance. Like the apostle Philip, we can invite our friends to consider the claims of Jesus. “Come and see.”
This is (more or less) how I came to faith during my first year of college. A friend invited me to tag along first to church and then to a conference. Then, boom—that was the first time the gospel lightbulb lit up my heart.
Witnessing for non-professionals
Much “witnessing” advice related to friendship evangelism is inspired, so far as I can gather, from 1 Peter 3:15.
but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,
The plea goes something like this. Live your life in such a way that people will wonder what’s different about you. They’ll ask, and you’ll have the chance to share the gospel or invite them to church.
There’s a phrase in this advice, however, that is often underexplained: “in such a way.” What exactly about my life will make someone ask me about it?
Will they know us by our niceness?
I fear many people process this exhortation as: be nice. If we’re extra nice to our neighbors and unbelieving family members, maybe they’ll wonder why we’re so nice. Surely niceness like this must have a supernatural origin!
The problem with this thinking is that tons of non-Christians are really nice! Like, way, way nicer than I am.
I’m not against niceness. Kindness, after all, is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. However, I don’t personally know anyone who has been drawn to the Lord by the niceness of others. Niceness isn’t inherently Christian, and niceness doesn’t necessarily point beyond oneself.
What behavior distinguishes Christians as Christians? Jesus said that people will know we are his disciples if we love one another (John 13:35). There’s one uncontroversial answer.
Here are two others.
What do we do with sin?
As a person walking around, living in the world, sin is unavoidable. We sin against others, and others sin against us. How we think about sin, and how we react to sinful offenses, really matters.
How do we handle the sin of others against us? What do we do when we sin against a friend? When we are confronted with our own moral failings, how do we react?
The Bible has specific answers to these questions, but there’s a good chance following the Bible’s instructions will strike others as strange. If you own your sin and seek forgiveness from those you harm, you will likely be initiating uncommon conversations.
Non-Christians handle sin in plenty of ways, but it often amounts to burial. If we pretend it didn’t happen, we can move on. But unforgiven sin is like mold growing behind the shower walls. You might not notice it right away, but it’s doing damage. We may eventually need to tear down the walls.
What do we do with Jesus?
Because Christians have been forgiven of their sins, they rejoice in their Savior. A real Christian cannot be neutral about Jesus.
Do our actions and words shine a spotlight on Jesus? Could we say, with saints through the ages, that the last thing we’d give up is our friendship with Jesus?
Sooner or later, a skeptic or curious outsider to Christianity must confront the claims of Jesus. And, as C.S. Lewis famously wrote, Jesus doesn’t allow someone to shrug and claim that he is only a good teacher. He made head-turning claims, and we must reckon with their veracity.
Getting close
Being nice to our neighbors is, in one sense, easy. We can deliver cookies and casseroles, we can loan cars and water plants, we can run errands and shovel driveways, all from a safe distance. Getting close is the hard part.
For a friend to see how I handle my sin (and theirs), we need to be in each other’s lives enough to sin against each other. If my neighbor is going to observe how I think and speak about Jesus, we probably need to share more than a five minute conversation about the lawn.
This is uncomfortable for me, and maybe for you too. But if you’re feeling weak and unable, God is happy to use that weakness to bring himself glory (2 Cor 12:9-10). He’s been there, too—getting close to sinners and dealing with their sin is one of the things he does best. He can help.
